Bogdan Balta

"Plecat prea devreme..." English version below
(31.07.1992 - 15.03.2007)

Aceasta este povestea unui inger - povestea lui Bogdan Balta (alintat Bobi, Bobo).
S-a nascut intr-o frumoasa zi de vara in familia Nelei si a lui Cornel Balta, doi oameni a caror principala forta conducatoare in viata a fost si este CREDINTA. Venirea pe lume a lui Bogdan a fost o adevarata binecuvantare. Nici nu putea sa se nasca intr-o familie mai cumsecade, de la care sa invete atat de mult despre viata, daruire, compasiune si iubire. Inca de mic, Bogdan a dat dovada de o intelepciune neobisnuita la un copil. Pe cat de mult ii placea compania tovarasilor lui de joaca, pe atat de mult indragea discutiile cu oamenii mari. Alaturi de parinti, era nelipsit de la slujbele bisericesti si ii placea sa stea de vorba cu fiecare preot.
Primiii 7 ani din viata au fost un vis devenit realitate. Ii placea sa ia parte la jocurile prietenilor lui, dar, in acelasi timp, viziunea lui asupra a tot ce se intampla in jurul sau il facea mult prea intelept pentru varsta lui. Intrarea la scoala de arta a fost un eveniment deosebit. Ii impaca pe prietenii, colegii lui cand acestia se certau, lua partea colegilor care primeau note mici, se ferea tot timpul sa provoace vreo cearta sau sa supere pe cineva. Talentul si pasiunea lui pentru desen, sarguinta si dedicatia fata de invatatura erau mult apreciate de toti profesorii. Lucrarile premiate au fost mandria parintilor sai. Ce familie nu s-ar simti binecuvantata sa aiba un astfel de copil? Dar vai! Cararile vietii nu sunt intotdeauna asa cum ne dorim noi. Dumnezeu ne incearca puterea si credinta iar noi ne vedem pusi in fata unor grele incercari.
Pentru Bogdan, totul a inceput cu o problema de vedere. Un diagnostic gresit a facut ca ceea ce putea fi tratat, daca era descoperit la timp, sa evolueze intr-o boala sfasietoare. Cand o doctorita cu experienta a recunoscut in simptomele lui necesitatea unei interventii neurochirurgicale, parca s-a prabusit cerul peste acea lume perfecta. Imaginile tomografului au dat verdictul: tumora pe creier! Si acela a fost inceputul a peste 7 ani de chinuri, frica si neliniste, dar si de speranta nemarginita. Atat mama, cat si tatal lui au fost incercati de-a lungul vietii lor, insa aceasta incercare era mult prea grea. DE CE BOGDAN? De ce necazul acesta s-a abatut asupra familiei lor? Si de ce un copil atat de bland?
Afland de cel mai bun neurochirurg din Romania, parintii l-au cautat si rugat sa faca ceva pentru Bogdan. In genunchi, cu lacrimi in ochi, mama sa l-a implorat pe doctor sa-i salveze fiul. Stia ca nu exista alta cale de urmat decat INAINTE. Ideea pierderii lui era de neconceput. Un tratament exista, el trebuia doar gasit. Doctorul operase numai adulti pana atunci, dar s-a lasat induplecat de durerea parintilor, in ciuda tuturor pronosticurilor si a experientelor trecute. El a spus: "Este foarte greu...dar vom incerca". Simtind apropierea operatiei, Bogdan i-a spus mamei ca i-a promis lui Dumnezeu sa se faca preot, daca scapa cu viata. Operatia a fost un succes. Recuperarea rapida a fost o minune (cu exceptia slabirii vederii la ochiul drept, cu care ulterior nu a mai vazut deloc), la fel ca si urmatorii ani in care Bogdan a dus o viata normala si a mers la scoala.
L-am cunoscut pe Bogdan in jurul varstei de 10 ani, prin intermediul meditatiilor. Imi amintesc cum mi-a prezentat mama lui statea sa: "A fost operat la cap, oboseste usor si din cand in cand are dureri de cap". Lucrul cu Bogdan a fost mereu o placere. Tocmai in mijlocul unui exercitiu se oprea sa-mi spuna un banc de care si-a amintit sau sa-mi povesteasca vreo patanie de la scoala. Imi dadeam usor seama cand obosea sau il durea capul si atunci ma prefaceam ca iau eu o pauza sau pur si simplu ii distrageam atentia de la invatat. Era uimitor ce memorie avea, tinea minte amanunte pe care oricine le-ar fi trecut cu vederea. Nu concepea sa mearga la scoala cu tema nefacuta, din respect fata de profesori si colegi.
Boala insa nu s-a oprit, ci a cautat alta cale de a lovi din nou. De data aceasta, tratamentele naturiste au tinut-o in frau o perioada de timp, nu insa fara a provoca dureri groaznice de cap, pe care Bogdan le ascundea, de frica unei noi operatii. La intrebarile mamei daca-l doare capul, el raspundea doar ca e putin obosit si o ruga sa-i spuna "Tatal nostru", pentru a se linisti.
In acesti ani au fost multe suisuri si coborasuri in evolutia lui. Parintii cautau diferite pretexte pentru a-l duce la tomograf sau pentru a-i da medicamentele...Ce ignoranti am fost toti! El STIA mai bine decat oricine ce se intampla in capsorul lui. Singura data cand si-a aratat durerea a fost atunci cand a intrebat-o pe mama lui "N-ai putea sa ma mai nasti o data, mami, fara dureri?". Colegii, nestiind ce se petrecea de fapt cu el, il credeau mai linistit atunci cand se retragea din cauza durerii. In rest, a incercat sa fie in rand cu ei, sa nu-l excluda pe motiv ca ar fi ALTFEL.
Boala a recidivat si au urmat alte interventii chirurgicale sau cu raze, in tara si in strainatate. Nici o secunda insa optimismul nu i-a parasit pe parinti. Credinta invinge cele mai mari temeri si ne face sa gandim pozitiv. Operatia cu raze din martie 2006 a fost o minune dumnezeiasca. Parea ca s-a terminat cosmarul acela ingrozitor. Ziua lui de nastere, sarbatorita in mijlocul prietenilor lui, in cartierul atat de indragit, a fost ultima lui mare bucurie. Treptat, starea lui s-a deteriorat, culminand in octombrie, cand a fost operat din nou. De data aceasta recuperarea a fost foartea anevoioasa, el neputand sa mearga decat foarte greu si sustinut si neputand vorbi din cauza tubului care l-a ajutat sa respire in timpul si dupa operatie (putea doar sa mimeze sau sa sopteasa...si ce scump era atunci). De-a lungul intregii boli, alaturi de el a fost neincetat matusa lui, care i-a fost ca o a doua mama. Familia a mers si de aceasta data inainte cu credinta si optimism. Era doar inca un obstacol de trecut. Starea lui insa s-a inrautatit dupa Craciun.
2 februarie 2007! Dupa citirea tomografiei, verdictul aceluiasi doctor care l-a salvat prima oara a cazut ca o ghilotina: in locul mult asteptatei replici "E foarte greu, dar incercam", s-a auzit "Luati-l acasa, sa moara crestineste". Cum? Cand toata lumea refuza cazul lui Bogdan, spunand ca nu se mai putea face nimic, cum putea acel doctor care a facut imposibilul si l-a ajutat pe Bogdan sa traiasca inca 7 ani (nu cateva zile, luni, cat au trait altii dupa operatie) sa spuna asa ceva? Daca acel om s-a aratat invins, ce mai era de facut? Nevrand sa accepte soarta, familia a cautat un remediu naturist, care nu a intarziat sa apara. Starea lui Bogdan era insa mult mai grea. Imobilizat la pat, fara a putea vorbi si totusi constient de ce se intampla in jurul lui, recunoscandu-i pe toti cei care il vizitau, el inca lupta cu toata fiinta lui sa invinga boala. Saptamanile care au urmat au fost un chin atat pentru el, cat si pentru noi, cei care i-am fost alaturi pana la sfarsit. Desi speranta si refuzul de a accepta sfarsitul ne dadeau forta sa mergem mai departe si sa-i fim alaturi, pentru el, fiecare zi era un pas inapoi. Deteriorarea starii lui a culminat pe 7 martie, cand a alunecat dintr-un somn linistit in coma. Ce groaznice au fost clipele cand, vrand sa-l trezim sa manance, nu a mai reactionat. Ce tare imi rasuna in minte tipetele mamei lui care ii cerea sa-i mai spuna o data "MAMI". Ea a spus "Ieri eram mama, astazi ce sunt?". Cu lumanarile aprinse la capul lui, am asteptat o minune...si ea a venit cateva ore mai tarziu cand si-a revenit. Sa ne bucuram? Sa fi fost aceasta lupta lui cu moartea, pe care a catigat-o? Sa fi fost cadoul de Paste atat de mult dorit? Raspunsul a venit in noaptea urmatoare cand Bogdan a intrat din nou in coma si nu s-a mai trezit. Era Ziua Mamei! Ce cadou! In locul minunatei felicitari pictate de el in care-si marturisea (a cata oara) iubirea fata de mama lui, cadoul a fost o liniste nesfarsita. Ce se intamplase cu vocea aceea blanda in care rasuna atat de frumos cuvantul "Mama"? De ce acele manute atat de fine nu puteau s-o mai cuprinda o data si de ce acele buze subtiri atat de mult iubite nu mai puteau sa sarute obrajii brazdati de atatea lacrimi de durere? Era o pedeapsa? Era sacrificiul suprem pe care Dumnezeu cerea sa il faca, pentru a-si dovedi iubirea fata de El? Sau poate chinurile lui atat de mari l-au facut pe Dumnezeu sa puna capat acestei vieti captive si sa-l duca pe Bogdan intr-un loc unde nu exista suferinta? Raspunsul, oricare ar fi fost, nu a adus alinare. Nici macar in acea dimineata de 15 martie, cand inima lui a incetat sa mai bata.
Cu cateva zile inainte, ii aparuse tatalui sau si i-a spus ca decizia finala ii apartine lui, dandu-i totodata si indrumari privind lucrurile care dorea ca parintii lui sa le faca in cazul in care el ar fi hotarat sa plece din corpul acela plin de boala. Imi amintesc atat de bine noaptea aceea. Ca in nici o alta data, am ras atat de mult. De parca ar fi simtit apropierea sfarsitului, mama lui nu s-a mai dus sa se odihneasca, asa cum facea de obicei cand avea cine sa-l supravegheze noaptea. La fel si nasa lui, care i-a cerut mamei sa-i spuna rugaciunile lui preferate, "Tatal nostru" si "Inger, ingerasul meu". Matusa lui tocmai pleca sa se odihneasca putin. Parca asteptand asta, stiind ca ea nu l-ar fi lasat sa moara, Bogdan A HOTARAT! Totul s-a petrecut atat de repede. Nu-mi amintesc decat ca tineam mana pe pieptul lui si nu simteam nici o miscare, nici o bataie a inimii. Toata lumea s-a oprit atunci. Era adevarat! Bogdan murise. De parca ar fi contat, am citit ora afisata de ceas, era 02:48. Era Primavara! Plansetul lui chiar dinainte de a-si da sufletul a lasat o rana care nu se va vindeca niciodata. Cat a iubit viata si ce greu i-a fost s-o paraseasca! A luptat cu moartea pana cand fiecare organ, fiecare celula din corpul lui a cedat. Au luat sfarsit frica, noptile nedormite, operatiile, chinurile, dar a inceput o alta etapa a vietii - cea FARA EL.
Bogdan a fost in timpul vietii un exemplu despre cum sa traiesti, prin moarte a fost o lectie despre cum sa lupti. A lasat in urma atata durere si gol in sufletele celor care l-au cunoscut. Inmormantarea a adus laolalta atata lume si toti preotii lui dragi care au vrut sa-l conduca pe ultimul lui drum. Slujba s-a incheiat cu o strofa dintr-un cantec trist: "Deschide-te, cimitir/Ca-ti aduc un trandafir/Nu-l aduc sa infloreasca/Ci-l aduc sa putrezeasca".
Bogdan a fost un exemplu de blandete si intelepciune impletite cu exuberanta tinereasca, o lectie de modestie, de lupta cu toate greutatile vietii si de iubire neconditionata.
Miercuri 23 aprilie este a 40-a zi de la trecerea lui in lumea celor drepti, ziua cand, conform credintei ortodoxe, Dumnezeu va hotari unde il va aseza pe Bogdan. Cu totii stim ca locul lui e la dreapta Domnului, de unde ii va veghea pe cei dragi. El stie ca noua ni se va parea lung timpul pana ne vom revedea, dar lui i se va parea o clipa (asa cum i-a spus tatalui sau). Bogdan a dorit ca tatal lui sa scrie o carte despre viata sa, intitulata "Bogdan - trimisul Domnului in familia noastra". Din lacrimile si durerea acestuia au luat nastere cuvintele care stau gravate pe crucea lui Bogdan:
"Drum bun copilul nostru drag si sfant,
Vom lacrima in fiecare seara
Si vom lasa durerea sa ne doara
Pan-om veni la tine in mormant".
Iti marturisesc, Bogdan, ca lectia pe care am invatat-o in ultima ta luna de viata am inteles-o mult mai bine decat pe cea de dinainte si ca nu am apreciat cum trebuie timpul petrecut impreuna. Niciodata nu mi se va sterge din minte imaginea ta la birou, cu stiloul in mana. Ce trist a fost Pastele acesta! In loc sa ciocnim oua rosii si sa radem, acum sparg singura ouale rosii pe care mama ta le imparte cu lacrimi in ochi la mormantul tau. Cate flori si coroane acopera marmura aceea rece care-ti tine loc de "acasa"!
Nu te voi uita niciodata si-ti promit ca oriunde as fi voi incerca sa fiu alaturi de parintii tai.
Pana cand ne vom intalni din nou...
Odihneste-te in pace!
Adriana
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"Gone too soon..."
(31 July 1992 - 15 March 2007)

This is the story of an angel - the story of Bogdan Balta (also called Bobby, Bobo).
He was born on a beautiful summer day, to Nela and Cornel Balta, two people whose main drive in life was and is FAITH. His coming into this world was a true blessing. He couldn't have been born to a more kind family, from whom to learn so much about life, giving, compassion and love. From an early age, Bogdan proved an unusual wisdom for a child. He enjoyed serious discussions with the grown-ups, as much as he loved his friends' company. At his parents' side, he attended all the Masses at the church and he loved spending time chatting with every priest.
His first 7 years of life were a dream come true. He enjoyed taking part in his friends' games, but in the same time his vision of everything that was happening around him made him much too wise for his age. His joining the art school was a special event. He would bring peace between his friends or colleagues who were fighting, he would stand by those colleagues who got low marks and he would always avoid starting an argument or upsetting anyone. His talent and passion for drawing, the hard workd and dedication were much appreciated by all his teachers. The prizes he received for his art work were his parents' pride. Which family wouldn't feel blessed to have such a child?
Alas! Life's paths aren't always as we want them to be. God puts our strength and faith to a test and we find ourselves in front of terrible hardships. For Bogdan it all started with a vision impairment. A wrong diagnosis made what could have been treated, if found on time, evolve into a dreadful disease. When a skilled doctor saw in his symptoms the need for a neurosurgical intervention, it was as if the sky had fallen over that perfect world. The CT scan gave the verdict: brain tumor! And that was the beginning of over 7 years of suffering, fear and anxiety, but also of great hope. Both his mother and father had gone through hard tries during their lives, but that hardship was just too much to bear. WHY BOGDAN? Why had that nightmare taken over their family? And why such a gentle child?
Hearing of the best Romanian neurosurgeon, they found him and asked him to do something for their son. On her knees, tears in her eyes, his mother begged the doctor to save her son. She just knew there was no other way to go but AHEAD. The idea of losing Bogdan was unconceivable. There was a cure, it just had to be found. The doctor had operated only adults till then, but, moved by the pain of those parents, he accepted to perform the surgery against all odds and previous experiences. He said: "It is very difficult...but we will try". Sensing the nearing of the operation, Bogdan told his mother that he promised God, should he get well, he would become a priest. The surgery was a success. The fast recovery was a miracle (except for his right eye vision impairment, which later degenerated into its blindness) and so were the following years, during which Bogdan led a normal life and continued attending school.
I met Bogdan when he was about 10 years old, through tuitions. I remember how his mother presented me his condition: "He's undergone a head surgery, he gets tired easily and once in a while gets headaches". Working with him was always a pleasure. Right in the middle of an exercice he would stop and tell me a joke he'd just remembered or to tell about something that had happened at school. I could easily see when he was tired or had a headache and then I would pretend that I was the one who needed a break or I would simply distract him from studying. It was amazing what a good memory he had, he could remember details anyone would overlook. Out of respect for his teachers and classmates, he couldn't accept going to school without doing his homework.
The disease, however, hadn't stopped, instead it had found another way to strike. At that time, the adjuvant therapy with natural substances held it back for a certain period of time, though not without causing terrible headaches that Bogdan would hide, for fear of another operation. To his mom's questions regarding the headaches he would calmly answer that he was just tired and ask her to tell him "Our Father" to make him feel better.
There were many ups and downs in his evolution during those years. His parents would find various pretexts to take him to the hospital for a CT scan/MRI or to give him the medication...How ignorants we all were! He KNEW better than anyone what was going on in his head. The only time he showed his pain was when he asked his mom "Couldn't you give me birth again without any pain?". His classmates, unaware of what was happening to him, thought him to be just a little quiet when he would keep a distance from them, because of the pain. All the rest of the time he tried to be one like them, not wanting them to exclude him for being DIFFERENT.
The disease stroke yet again and other operations (surgery and Gamma Knife procedure) in the country and abroad followed. Not for a second though had the optimism left his parents. Faith conquers the worst fears and makes us think positively. The Gamma Knife procedure in March 2006 was a miracle. It seemed that the dreadful nightmare was over at last. His birthday, celebrated surrounded by his friends, in his dear neighbourhood, was his last great joy. Gradually, his condition got very bad, reaching its worst in October, when he underwent his last operation. That time, the recovery was very slow and he was unable to walk (unless helped and sustained) and speak, due to the tube that helped him breath during and after surgery (he could only mime or whisper...and was that sweet!). Throughout his life and mainly during his time of illness, his loving aunt stood by his side like a second mother. The family went ahead with optimism. It was just another obstacle to pass. Unfortunately his condition worsened after Christmas.
2 February 2007! Upon reading the MRI, the doctor's verdict, the same doctor who saved his life the first time, fell like a guillotine: instead of the much waited reply "It's very difficult, but we'll try", they heard "Take him home, to die like a christian". How? How could that doctor who, when everyone else refused Bogdan's case saying nothing could be done, did the impossible and gave Bogdan another 7 years of life (not just days, months as the other patients lived), how could he say something like that? If that man gave up, what was left to do? Unwilling to accept that fate, the family tried to find a natural remedy, which wasn't late in appearing. Bogdan's condition was far worse. Confined to bed, unable to speak, yet aware of what was happening around him and being able to recognize everyone who visited him, he was still fighting with all his being to beat the disease. The following weeks were a torture both for him and for us, those who stood by him until the end. Although hope and the refusal to accept the end gave us the strength to move on and to be there for him, each day was a step back for Bogdan. His worsening condition reached its peak on the 7th March, when he slipped from a calm sleep into a coma. How terrible those moments were when we tried to wake him up to eat and he didn't move. How loud in my mind I still hear his mother screaming and asking him to call her just one more time "Mommy". She said "Yesterday I was a mother, today what am I?". Candles lit around him, we waited for a miracle. And it came hours later when he woke up. Should we be happy? Could that have been his fight against death, that he won? Could it have been the Easter gift so much desired by his family? The answer came the following night when he went again into a coma he no longer came out of. It was Mother's Day! What a gift! Instead of the wonderful card painted by him in which he would confess (yet again) the love for his mother, the gift was an endless silence. What had happened with that gentle voice that made the word "Mother" sound so sweet? Why couldn't those soft hands hold her one more time and why couldn't those much loved thin lips kiss those cheeks crossed by too many tears of pain? Was it a punishment? Could it be the supreme sacrifice God asked of them, to show their love towards Him? Or maybe his great pain made God end that captive life and take Bogdan to a place where there is no suffering? The answer, whichever it was, didn't bring any comfort. Not even that morning of 15th March when his heart stopped beating. A few days before, he had appeared to his father to tell him that the final decision would be his and to give him instructions regarding the things his parents would have to do, should he decide to leave this world.
I remember that night so well. Like no other time, we laughed so much. Almost as if she sensed, his mother refused to go and take some rest, as she usually would when there was someone watching him. The same way, his godmother asked his mom to tell him his favourite prayers "Our Father" and "Angel, my angel". His aunt was just leaving to get some rest. As though that was what he was waiting for, knowing she wouldn't let him go, Bogdan CHOSE! Everything happened so fast. I only remember having my hand on his chest and not feeling any movement, no heart beat. The whole world stopped then. It was true! Bogdan was gone! As if it mattered, I read the time: 2:48 AM. It was Spring! His cry right before giving his soul left a wound that will never heal. How much he loved life and how hard it was for him to leave it! He fought death until each organ, each cell in his body gave up. The fear, the sleepless nights, the operations, the pain were all gone, but another stage in life was beginning - the one WITHOUT HIM.
Bogdan was an example during his life on how to live, in death he is a lesson on how to fight. He left behind such pain and emptiness in the souls of those he knew. The funeral brought together so many people and all his dear priests, who wanted to be with him on his last road. The Mass ended with the words of a sad song: "Open up, Graveyard/For I bring you a rose/I don't bring it to blossom/But to rot".
Bogdan was an example of kindness and wisdom combined with youthful exuberance, a lesson of modesty, of fight against all life's hardships and of unconditional love.
Tuesday the 23rd April is the 40th day since Bogdan passed away, the day when, according to the orthodox belief, God will decide where to place Bogdan. We all know his place is at God's right, from where he will watch over those dear to him. He knows the time until we meet again will seem very long to us, but to him it will be but a second (as he told his father). Bogdan wished his father wrote a book about his life, titled "Bogdan - God's sent into our family". From his tears and pain these words rose which are engraved on Bogdan's cross:
"So long our dearest sacred child
We'll weep for you every evening
And we shall let the pain hurt us
Until we join you in the grave".
I confess to you Bogdan that I understood the lesson you've taught me during your last month on this earth far better than the one before it and that I haven't appreciated as I should have our time together. Never will your image at your desk, holding the pen in your hand, will be erased from my memory. How sad was this Easter! Instead of breaking red eggs and laughing together, now I break alone the eggs your mother, tears in her eyes, gives away in your memory at the grave. How many flowers and garlands cover that cold marble that now replaces "home"!
I will never forget you and promise you that wherever I may be I will always try to be there for your parents.
Until we meet again...
May you rest in peace!
Adriana